Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Concept of Courtship

A couple of friends of mine entered into a courtship, and eventually ended up marrying. In basic terms, you limit your amount of touching/caressing to remain pure with the other person, you both remain accountable to a mentor (usually it's the parents of the courting couple), and your intent is not just for 'fun' dating, but with a future possibility of marriage. That means both of the people in the courtship are prepared beforehand to consider marriage in the future (though that does not mean they will marry the person they're courting---courtships can be broken off and are not an engagement! It is simply an acknowledgment that you aren't some girl or guy that just wants to date for the romantic side of it, but are seriously considering marriage.).
Joshua Harris, in his book Boy meets Girl, gave a great version of courtship that worked really well for him and helped him and his future spouse consider each other in terms of both friends and, later, when they had established that, an attracted couple romantically. You can't have only the romantic/attraction side of it making all the decisions. YES, that is needed, but you must also consider the other person's spirituality, personality, and compatibility with your own values and lifestyle. Of course, with a Christian we're told to not be 'unequally yoked' with an unbeliever---meaning, choose your future spouse based on their relationship with God that will pull you up, and not away from, God and his laws.
Anyway, I have a last bit of advice for all of you teenagers and younger kids. Try not to focus so much on relationships right now, especially if you are still young and not ready emotionally, or spiritually, for something as great and sacred as marriage. You can focus more on things that will improve your future right now, and also make you the right person for your spouse when you're ready. Most teenagers don't end up with the guy or girl they thought was 'cute' in chemistry class and spent the summer struggling up courage to become boyfriend/girlfriend with.
Girls and guys, God has a greater plan for you then breaking up and hooking up. He wants you to experience things, and help you to remain pure, without the confusion and strain of relationships.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye is also a great book for all of you who still have questions! Thanks for reading!

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